Tonight [March 15, 2010]
March 15, 2010Joining Gary on set is Lawyer Rick Woolridge, Eddie Tavares (ChildWatch) and Vernon Trott, to talk about shared parenting in Bermuda. Participate in the national conversation now! Click the comment(s) link below. *Some comments will be read on the air during tonight’s show.
Let's Talk 
its time to go to the uk and the un to force the reforms that people like ed have been fighting for for over 20 yrs.
bermudian voters and politicians should be ashamed of themselves
and the laeyers must do more to advocate for change and lobby hard for it
Judges Who Favor Parent and Not The Child
A Judge gave care & control and custody to my unemployed Alcoholic son in law after my son in law told the judge that HE was an alcoholic. A social enquiry report was requested by the mother but was not carried out by the courts. The only way the judge changed his order was after my son in law’s father came to court to tell the judge that his son was unfit to be a parent.
Good day Ms. Sanchez,
All though some parents may have issues, and I do say we are not all perfect. I will say that he may need some counselling, to resolve his issues. Further, on the other hand I know of cases where the mother was unfit and was able to stay with the child or in some even gone and gotten help and reconnected with the children. But when this happens to a father, he has little chance to reconnect as he will not be looked upon fqvourably, and will be an out-cast.
Wish you all the best.
Edward
As Mr Trott just stated if the parent with custody does not want the other parent to have the child what is the non custodial parent to do?
I am so glad I caught your topic tonight as I am presently having trouble with my son’s father.
I have full care and control of our son and the father has access to him whenever he wants providing advanced notice. He can have him whenever as long as we haven’t already made plans and Sundays are his after Church if he so desires.
Well he is inconsistent and we sometimes don’t hear from him but then every couple of weeks he comes out and blames me for him not spending time with his son.
Do you have any suggestions on how to remedy the situation? I’m tired of being blamed and I want our son to have a relationship.
Beyond the father stepping up what can I do or whom can I speak with? I can’t imagine going through life like this being emotionally drained every so often. I have to be strong for my son but getting broken down every time I have to deal with this isn’t healthy for us and he isn’t pleasant about it.
Ps. I don’t even ask for financial support!
Good day Me,
I would just like to say that I sorry that your son does not have much time with his father. However, from the out set of your email, you state that you have “care and control” of your son. This statement alone shows the power you have over the other parent. Children are not personal possesions! I believe this is part of the hurt that your son’s father is having. A parent should be equal and this is one ot the reasons that “Shared Parenting” helps the families as many countries have implemented, which gives both parents the opportunity to have a say as to what each is willing to do, and what time they are willing tospend with their children, verses turning one parent to just a pay check and visitor of 48 days per calendar year. Further, you state that he can have yur son any time providing that he gives advance notice. This again is putting restrictions and demands on the son’s father. In most cases, like in my case I don’t know what I am doing from one minute to another and it would be hard and almost impossible to give advance notice. We should have a system that allows a parent having the time for their children, to just call and speak with the other parent, and say that they wish to spend time with their children at any given time as long as the other parent has been informed. The present system is too adversarial inflames most situations, which causes resentment and hurt, which is then transfered to the children and the children are the ones that suffer. A Canadian Family Court Judge of 14 year on the bench, Justice Harvey Brownstone stated in his book “TUG OF WAR” that “In the Court system he has never seen any winners” and “it is too adversarial” and “why would any parents come to Court for a total stranger to decide what is best for their families stuation, as to how much time that one parent is to spend with their child, as to everything regarding the children’s future, etc. This stranger is a Judge, which a Judge is not trained in human relationships, but trained in Law”. dealiing with corporate, property, criminal stuations, and he has never seen any “winners” in Court.”. I would suggest for the family to go counselling instead of a Court. Wish you all the best.
I’m not going to get into all the details as that does not give me answers but believe me you are completely wrong as you don’t know all the facts!
I cannot force him to go to the counselling you suggest so for my sanity I am looking for other answers, and I never intended on going to Court! Our son is and will be fine regardless but I just thought I would try to make things better!
I woudl like to know why my case concerning my son, to whose mother I was not married was taken directly to supreme court instead of family court.
Good day Damani,
Your case should of not gone to the Supreme Court as you were not married to the mother of your child. This is another clear abuse of the Court system and highlights some of the problems with it! I encourage you to speak up for change. and if I can assist please call me at 2923529 or email:childwatch.bermuda.bm
Please don’t give up, as many fathers do out of frustration. Wish you all the best.
The problem in Bermuda is “Care and Control” One parent has CONTROL.
No one parent should have more control over the other when it comes to the welfare of the child.
As a father of two boys I take strong issue with Mr. Woolridge who said boys need their mother earlier in life than their farther. Both parents are eaually important.
Shared parenting WORKS!! When I got divoced there was no way I was going to allow anyone let me see my boys every other week. Children need each parent.
I could go on and on, but I can assure you again that if each parent has the walfer of there children in mind rather then who gets Care and Control and let each parent share in the walfer of the child we won’t have the back log in the courts.
I would like to know why my case was sent to supreme court and not family court as I was not married to his mother. I have always supported my son financially and only wanted to have continued access to him.
What if one mother has no issue with shared parenting but the father does not want to be active in the child’s life? You can not force a father to be a father. As a mother in this situtation I refuse to take my son’s father to court for maintenance as I do not want the court to enforce vistation by making my child spend time with a father who clearly does not want to play an active role in his life. I think that a father popping in and out of a chids life is too emotional for any child to go through.
Good day Concerned Mother,
The word “visitation”., means that a parent is a visitor. Courts turn parents to “Visitors” and that is wrong. a parent is a parent not a visitor, and this is one of the problem’s that father’s have and that maybe the problem, as this may have caused some resentment. I sugggest counselling instead of Court.
I will you all the best.
How are children’s best interests served when the mother – who is the sole financial supporter for them iis prevented from returning to Bermuda by her ex-husband? They are not in a ‘good place’ to coin a phrase.
This issue has been bought to the attention of the Governor of Bermuda and the Attorney General’s office
I am the FORMER Mrs. Trott, Mr. Trott is talking about and would not really like to start a public argument here, but just state that, Vernon has every access to his daughter. He just spoke to her this evening. It has never been an issue for him to see her, but since Bermuda was his home and not mine. I flet out of my depth. He continue to leave as if he was single and i chose my daughter deserved better.
So thanks again to Vernon to try an help other father in Bermuda, but his situation is very different and the Judges here in UK have ruled against his version of the story.
Good and God bless.
There is a process available in Bermuda called Collaborative Family Law.
Please see the website http://www.collaborativelawalliance.bm
I can appreciate the program but how can you get
the fathers to just do what is required. This has to be a desire in the mind & heart of an individual to make a relationship work. Bermudian fathers are so deep in debt in the courts they just stray away from their responsiblities. Our males are suffering from the support of their fathers financially & relationship wise.
Mr. Trott what type of program in the UK assists the father in providing financial aid to the mother of his child if he the father is not working.
I feel that before a judge is used to make a decision on the child/children’s fate,the parents should be sent to discuss their issues with a counsellor or similar proffessional.
It can be beneficial to both the parents and the courts if they can attempt to reach a mutual agreement for shared parenting without having the law decide for them. The case should only be seen by a judge if they cannot
work out a system with the help provided.
I am the “mediator” between my brother (John) and my ex-sister in law (Jane). They share a beautiful 11 yr old daughter (Linda). Jane has custody of Linda and John was given “reasonable access”. What ever that means. John has a court order to pay $100 per week Child Support, which I direct deposit into Jane’s account every week. Jane has sent a letter (from her lawyer) to both of us stating that she wants the CS to be $150.00/week and also stated that if she has to go to court she will ask for $200 per week and her lawyer’s fees as well. John has seen Linda 4 times in last 7 months (approx 4 hrs each time) . She refuses any other support John offers (school clothes, insurance, even cash!!!) There’s always a struggle. She will not meet us half way. All he wants, is to be in Linda’s life but Jane won’t let him. He wants to give up because he knows the tension is hurting his daughter. Can anyone give us some advice on what to do please?
Good day Ms. Roberts,
Please contact me Tel.2923529 or email childwatch.bermuda.bm
How are children’s best interests served when in this instance, the mother – who is the sole financial supporter for them – is prevented, by her ex-husband, from returning to Bermuda ? Both parents are Bermudian born and all of them are ‘not in a good place’ to coin a phrase.
This issue has been bought to the attention of the Governor of Bermuda and the Attorney General’s office among others. I’m still waiting for responses.
I AM SICK OF HEARING THE STUPID COMMENTS FROM THE FATHERS SAYING I GAVE CHILD SUPPORT TO MY CHILD’S MOTHER AND I DONT KNOW WHERE IT GOES… WELL LOOK AT YOUR CHILD IS HE OR SHE DRESSED CLEAN AND DECENT, IS HE OR SHE FED, DOES YOUR CHILD STILL LIVE IN A HOUSE WITH LIGHTS ON, IS THE NURSERY FEE PAID OR WHAT ABOUT UNIFORMS .
CHILD SUPPORT IS FOR WHAT EVER IS NEEDED FOR YOUR CHILD AND ANY RIGHT THINKING MOTHER IS GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT YOUR CHILD’S NEEDS AND SOME WANTS ARE TAKEN CARE OF, SO IT IS YOUR DUTY TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT. SO SHUP UP AND PUT UP AND DO THE RIGHT THING